I have a confession to make...

I am a blog stalker.

Let me please explain the reasons why though, and maybe you can understand this weird new addiction of mine.

I am new to the world of blogging, and I don’t know if any of you seasoned bloggers remember what it was like to be green like I am, but it is really exciting! There is a whole world out there that I was only vaguely aware of before…and all of a sudden I am a part of it!

So, in an attempt to actively participate in this fun new world I tend to check my friends' blogs way too often. I know that there are no updates, but I just have to check. It doesn’t make sense, and I know it is entirely impulsive, but I just have to do it. I think it all started when I was visiting my friends’ blogs in order to get formatting ideas for my own, but it has become far more than an innocent pastime now…it is an addiction. My only problem is that I only know a handful of my friends’ blogs and so I check them far oftener (great word huh) than can be healthy. If you would like to be blog stalked by me please just give me your blog address and I would be happy to add you to my stalking list.

Now, I was informed by a wise friend today that you can actually outsource your blog stalking to Google Reader which will notify you if there are any updates on the blogs you ask them to stalk for you. (Amazing…Google sees a need and invariably they fill it).

As of now though, I still find blog stalking way too much fun and prefer to do it myself. It is kind of like when you first learn to drive and you think every errand is super exciting no matter how routine and boring it really is just because you are behind the wheel. Like driving I imagine that manual blog stalking could get old. I hope it doesn’t, but it is a possibility. If it happens I will be grateful to turn my blog stalking over to the professionals at Google Reader. But until then…just know…I’m watching you…I mean your blog…in a totally non-creepy way (I think).

My car has a fan club

And its me!!!!

I had to get gas today, which is something I always dread because it costs money. Lately (as I’m sure most of you have noticed) it has been costing a lot of money. Despite this fact, my gage was creeping a little too close to empty for comfort (especially considering tomorrow is Sunday). So, I bit the bullet and pulled into a gas station.

I always prepare myself for the pain by looking to see how much the previous person paid, and let me tell you…it was painful for them (unless they were really rich and didn’t care).

Anyway, so as I was filling up I kept watching the numbers creep up and then, when I thought it was only about halfway full the handle popped! I thought it was a mistake so I pushed it again, and it popped again!

My car is the best! I always forget what great gas mileage it gets because I don’t drive that often and really don’t fill up that often. All I have to say is that I am the president of its fan club, and I will try extra hard to come up with a good name for it.

I’m surprised I haven’t named it yet…I don’t even really know what gender it is…weird. I need to give it a little bit more of my attention because he/she definitely deserves it!

My Mice

My heart broke a bit this week because I had to sacrifice my cute little mice. Their tumors were getting too big so it was time, but I realized that I had gotten somewhat attached to the little guys. When we first started the study I thought that nude mice were the ugliest things I had ever seen. After spending time with them though (I had to image their tumors twice a week for the past six weeks) they began to grow on me. They remind me of cute, wrinkly old men. My favorite one even had a few white whiskers growing on his adorable little naked face. I won’t go into graphic detail, but it is rather unpleasant the way we have to kill the guys (just to clarify, it is not unpleasant at all for them, just for us). It is definitely my least favorite thing I have to do in the lab. I suppose that is a good thing though because I don't want it to ever become easy to take a life, however small it may be. Thankfully, the lives of my mice have served their purpose. Our study seems to be successful (further analysis will confirm) and will hopefully help to save many lives (both human and mice) in the future. But, I have officially decided this week as a result of my experiences to make a goal that throughout my career as a scientist I will never waste a life, no matter how small.

Celebrating Holy Week

Probably more than any other year I really have felt focused on the significance of the events that transpired during the most holy week in the history of mankind. Most likely it is because I have had absolutely no trappings of a worldly Easter (no bunnies, baskets, candy, etc…) which has really allowed me to concentrate more on why this time of year is so important. Each day this week I have taken the time to be aware of the chronology of the events that occurred. This awareness has led me to a greater appreciation of how incredible it is that so much could have happened in such a short period of time.

All of my life (other than when I was at BYU) I have been around people who celebrate Lent, Palm Sunday, Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, and Easter, and while I know that as an LDS Church we don’t have special services on these days, I think we need to be careful not to overlook the significance of the events that transpired during the final week of the Savior’s mortal life. Really, the salvation of all of Heavenly Father’s children hinged on the events of this pivotal week which were the culminating events of Christ’s premortal and mortal life and mission. I know that without His atonement and resurrection my life would be pointless. I would have no hope of ever being able to progress beyond my sins and weaknesses, no hope of being with my family members again who I have lost, and no hope of returning to live with Heavenly Father.

Thankfully though, while we don’t have special services to celebrate and remember the events of holy week, what I have come to realize is that we actually do celebrate this special week throughout the year but maybe just aren’t as aware of it as we should be. Instead of fasting during Lent we have the opportunity every month to draw nearer to God by fasting which provides us with the strength to overcome the temptations of the devil as Christ did in the wilderness. As we serve and love each other on a daily basis we are remembering His washing of the disciples’ feet at the Last Supper. When we partake of the sacrament each week we are remembering that first sacrament and the atoning sacrifice and resurrection that followed which made the whole Plan of Salvation possible. So really, for me this week has been a reminder of the origin and significance of those things I do on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis to remember Him and I am grateful for those constant reminders of His holy and sacred sacrifice.

A Day with the Kennedys

In an attempt to take full advantage of the fact that I live in Boston I have been going on some super fun historical outings with my friends. Today we went to the John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and Museum. It is in a beautiful location on the water just south of Boston and it was quite an experience to be immersed in the life of the Kennedys for the day. In addition to learning a lot more about their lives and accomplishments we had the opportunity to watch several excerpts from speeches by both JFK and Bobby which were inspiring and thought-provoking. Since I don’t have time now to address the many streams of thought that I am still mulling over as a result of listening to some of their rhetoric, I just want to focus on a problem I face in dealing with people like the Kennedys. How can people who were so inspiring and influential lead dirty secret lives like they did? Can there be a disconnect between who they were and the wonderful things they accomplished? And if it is somehow possible to mentally separate the smuttiness of certain aspects of their lives from the positive changes they made in the world, should we? I guess what bothers me the most is that in their speeches they talk about morality, values, family, and yet their actions didn’t live up to their own words. In my opinion, if someone doesn’t practice or even strive to practice the principles they preach it devalues the message, even if that message is good and true. Now, in the case of the Kennedys, many of their messages still had a profound effect on the people of the world because for the most part the causes they championed were honorable, but I just feel like their lives somehow tainted the goodness of those actions. Two thoughts before I conclude. First of all, this concept that public figures often have ulterior motives makes me nervous in an election year where provocative rhetoric and emotional messages are being tossed around. I feel as though it is too easy to get carried away by words without actually investigating underlying issues and unspoken opinions. As Elder Maxwell says it is “so easy to be indignant without being intelligent” (Patience, 1979). I am trying to be self-aware enough to know when I am being manipulated by politicians to become indignant without actually being informed. So, instead of just talking inanely about issues I don’t really know enough about, I am resolved to become more informed so that I can make up my own mind instead of spouting off borrowed opinions from newscasters, co-workers, friends, or other people who sound like they know what they are talking about. Second, it is such a comfort to know that when it comes to the leadership in the Church I never have to struggle with not being sure I can trust the message because of the messenger. In fact, it is often the other way around: the exemplary lives of the messengers serve to only strengthen the messages they share. And I am really grateful for that fact.

People

Events of this week have reconfirmed to me that people in general really are nice. Most everyone is willing to help you out, say something kind, or at least smile when you need it—and each of those nice things really do make a difference (especially when you are miserable on the inside). Every once in a while all of us can get a bit crabby or unpleasant to be around, but deep down I really think everyone is nice. Now, I know that there are people out there that may seem like they are unpleasant all of the time, but I’ve found that if you pay close attention, these people show little sparks of niceness too (and they probably wish that they knew how to be nice all the time). Being the recipient of so much niceness this week has made me more aware of how important it is for me to be nice to everyone, cause you never know who really needs it. So, thanks all you people out there who have been, and continue to be so nice to me. I appreciate it.

Being Sick

I have been sick for the last two days. All I have is a feverish cold, which is really not a big deal. So, I just tried to shrug it off this morning and left for work optimistically ready to get a lot accomplished today. As I was walking to the lab though, I started hacking up a lung and feeling very dizzy. By the time I got to work I really was not feeling well (almost to the point of tearing up a little…I know…its ridiculous). Thanks to my wonderful co-workers I was able to leave early and I have spent the rest of the day being a lazy bum resting at home and surfing the internet even though I have so much to do. My question is…actually I can’t remember what I was thinking when I started writing this…sorry…I’ll blame it on being sick.

The Dark Room

So today I spent some time in the dark room in our lab. I often go in there to develop my protein blots. It’s a fairly small room and usually I have it all to myself. However, if there does happen to be someone else in there, like there was today, it can be kind of awkward standing in the dark waiting for your film to be exposed if you don’t really know the person who is standing next to you doing exactly the same thing….waiting. The awkward silence is periodically broken by requests to turn on the lights quickly, or to open the door, making the encounter all the more uncomfortable. After experiencing this twice today I realized how ridiculous it is. Why shouldn’t I use the opportunity to get to know some other people in my department? It is actually kind of sad that I allow my suppressed shyness to come out at certain moments like this. (I was actually quite shy in high school and even into my first year or so of college.) I think I’m a pretty outgoing person now, but moments like this make me realize that I still need to work on focusing on other people instead of myself. By allowing the moment to be awkward I missed a possible opportunity to make someone have a better day, or at least avoid an unpleasant few minutes in the dark room. I’ll have to do better next time.