golden, beachy sunsets and other magical moments

Sometimes I feel a little bit guilty about how lovely my life is. It seems to me as though I have spent way more perfect days than any sensible person can wish for in an entire lifetime. Or do you think that maybe we all deserve to have as many perfect days as possible?

I just wish there were some way for me to allow everyone to experience the perfectness of these past few days and all the perfect days and moments I've had lately because there’s no way I can adequately share them. Pictures and words just aren't enough no matter how hard I wish they were, and how often I attempt to make them so. For instance…

Although I love the ocean at all times of day, my favorite time to be by the water is just before the sun sets. With my chair facing the rolling waves the sun warms my back and just when it's getting ready to creep behind the dunes it casts it's farewell light on the sand and water turning everything golden. The golden light gently slips away and the waves turn from gold to soft pink then to dusky lavender while the ocean itself transforms from it's crystal blues and gentle greens to royal purple then deep navy. During this magical time the dolphin pod makes its daily trek up the coast, their fins peeking above water just beyond the breaking waves...and if you sit really still, you notice crabs beginning to scuttle nervously out of their holes in the sand. Flocks of pelicans and other sea birds swoop down regularly looking for fish in the shallow waters of low tide. Usually by this time most people have abandoned the shore, sun-scorched from the long day, so I typically have my little piece of beach all to myself and my thoughts. Thoughts which are full of reflections on the past, and new hopes, dreams, and resolutions for the future.

And oh!...the other day was somewhat drizzly, but I decided to head back to the beach to savor this goldeny time of day despite the rain and was ever so glad I did! Just as the sun rays burst over the dunes, the clouds dissipated and a full rainbow appeared. As if on cue, the dolphins showed up, closer to shore than I’ve ever seen them. Sigh...

Ok, sorry for my poor attempt at describing these moments o’ delightful perfection. I’ll stop now. Thinking about it though, I guess the reason why my description pales in comparison to the real experience (other than my lack of literary and poetic genius of course) is that nothing can replace the feeling of contentment that comes to me at these moments. Utter and complete contentment that isn’t tainted by ignorance or self-deception. I am perfectly aware of the fact that I’m not who I eventually want to be physically, spiritually, academically, emotionally, and socially…and yet I know that I’m exactly where I need to be right now on my journey to those delightful eventualities.

And the best part about feeling like this is that I can simultaneously be inspired by hopes and dreams for the future and filled with a sense of satisfaction with the present. Even though I want so desperately to be my future self, I’m okay with the fact that I have a journey ahead because I know it will keep being filled with more perfect moments and days. And thinking about it more...I’m pretty sure we're allowed to have as much perfectness in our days as we allow ourselves to have. And that’s all for now because I need to rush off to sleep so I can catch the sunrise in the morning when I will say goodbye to my little spot o' beach for another year.

Oh the memories

Ok, so I did this on some of my friends' blogs and so now feel obligated to post this on mine (I have no idea why I feel obligated, I just do). However, I detest anything remotely like chain letters (i.e., anything that requires that you do something and then "pass-it-on" to said number of people). Just to clarify though, I don't even remotely detest people who send stuff like that to me, I just detest the actual things. Yet despite all of that here I am posting this.

If you want to share memories of me, I think it would probably be kind of amusing but please just ignore #2 unless you really want to do it.

So here it is:

"1. As a comment on my blog, leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember!

2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. It's actually pretty funny to see the responses. If you leave a memory about me, I'll assume you're playing the game and I'll come to your blog and leave one about you."

Oh, and I really don't promise to do that stuff in #2, even though I might. I just don't want to commit to anything that serious or make assumptions like that.

Wow...this post kind of has negative undertones. Sorry. I promise I'm not feeling negative at all right now.

You're gonna have to pursue me

So usually I kind of judge my friends as quite ridiculous and on a lower plane than me whenever they suggest that I read the newest "relationship" book out there. They all just seem to have conflicting advice, none of which ever seems useful at all, and most of which I find sexist and degrading. However, recently I caved and read an excerpt (don't worry, it was a very short excerpt) from the book He's Just Not That Into You.

Imagine my surprise when I found that, at least this excerpt, instead of being degrading, was actually quite empowering. And on top of that, the author comes to a conclusion that is very similar to the one I came to a while back after struggling with feeling entirely powerless to change the fact that my love life has always been and continues to be utterly and completely nonexistent.

I guess that the whole premise of this book is to wake females up to the fact that if a guy is interested, he will take the initiative. Thank goodness that someone finally just said it! I get so sick of girls spending hours asking me to analyze every little thing this guy or that guy said or didn't say, or did or didn't do. Heavens people!

I also get sick of people trying to explain away my shameful lack of a dating life by telling me that several guys must have been interested in me in the past, or are currently interested, but are just too intimidated by me (innocent, insecure, flabby, little me) to show their interest by asking me to dinner or some other socially acceptable form of expressing a desire to get to know a person better. Honestly folks? I'm not even stupid enough to believe that. Good thing that this book busts open that ridiculous myth.

Now I do understand that it can be frustrating, especially as a goal-setting, ambitious, used-to-working-for-what-she-gets kind of girl to not really be able to tangibly work toward improving a lack-of-love life. However, this is the conclusion from the book that I tend to agree with:

"If the men are asking you out, if the men have to get your attention, then you, in fact, are the one in control. There's no scheming and plotting. And there is something great about knowing that my only job is to be as happy as I can be about my life, and feel as good as I can about myself, and to lead as full and eventful a life as I can, so that it doesn't ever feel like I'm just waiting around for some guy to ask me out. And most importantly, it's good for us all to remember that we don't need to scheme and plot and beg to get someone to ask us out. We're fantastic."

I think there is all too much scheming and plotting that goes on (the worst of which guys are completely clueless about) and it drives me absolutely batty and is quite sickening. I'll just leave it at that because I am in danger of going off on a tangent.

More importantly though is realizing that as women, we are worth being pursued (even if, like in my case, no one ever decides to pursue us). Yeah, I might not have the best skin out there (currently there is a family of zits that have decided to permanently camp out on my right cheek), I may be somewhat of a procrastinator, I may need to lose 30 pounds or so, and I may have unnatural cravings for pickles at times (like right now), but that doesn't mean that I'm not worth pursuing. I have a lot going for me in fact. And I would honestly prefer to be single for the rest of my "full and eventful" life than to feel like I need to focus on desperately finding a man that will settle for me. I'm not willing to settle for someone who feels like they need to settle for me. I'm better than that.

Now maybe you think that the premise of this book is entirely ridiculous, and that my conclusions about it are completely false, and if so, please do share. By no means do I pretend to have all the answers (or even most of them for that matter). However, this is the philosophy that I'm currently living by (and have actually been going by for a while now, it's just good to hear it from another source).

So to all of the men out there, if you're interested you're gonna have to let me know. And though it may be sad, at this point I am so unused to anyone showing interest that I'm pretty sure I'm beyond the point where subtlety is going to work. (Sometimes I actually worry about this. I think it must just be from learned behavior that I automatically go into friend mode with every guy I meet because those are the only relationships I am used to having with males, hmm...I wonder which is the cause and which is the effect...food for thought).

Alright, so I'm rambling now and not making any sense and I'm actually quite ashamed that I just wrote a whole post on a relationship book. Sorry. I hope you don't think worse of me for doing it.

p.s. Please, no pity-party comments. I despise them and that was not the point of this post.

Summer in Boston

Um...so, I really have been up to a whole lotta fun that doesn't in any way, shape, or form involve mouse prostates. And I have wanted to blog about oh-so-many things but just haven't had time, so this is just a little smattering of the splendid summer I've been spending here in Beantown (and beyond).

Oh! But before all that, I have an official announcement to make (drumroll....): I am staying in Boston this next year! (**shouts of unrestrained excitement**)

I got an amazing offer to work in the Cardiac Surgery Department at Children's Hospital on a project involving tissue engineering. Specifically, I will be working on engineering heart valves to use in patients with congenital heart defects (among other things). How cool is that!?! Plus, the job involves a pay raise, benefits, and not having to move three times in three years. (All things which the NIH offers severely lacked). I will be working with a researcher who I already know and have collaborated with in the past, and so I'm pretty sure it will be another amazing year in the work force before jumping full-force into school again. Yipee!

Anyway, back to the smattering of splendid reasons why I am super excited to be spending more time here.

Summer Solstice on the Vineyard
If there ever was the perfect way to spend a day, I'm pretty sure I did it here. My friends Rachel and Dan, and I woke up at the crack o' dawn to drive down to the ferry which took us to Martha's Vineyard where we spent all day biking from charming town, to charming town, to amazing beach, to incredible coastline and back again. I think overall we went a little over 30 miles, which was tiring but totally worth it! On the ferry back to the mainland we watched the sunset on the water. Talk about Carpe Diem! I know I have been overusing the phrase lately, but man, we really harvested the day to its fullest!

Then These Crazy People Came to VisitI was super excited when my darling sister Heather and her hubby Andy came to visit me. They are the first of my family that has come up and even though I walked the freedom trail for the umpteenth time, and even though Andy had to work for several of the days, Heather and I kept busy having loads of fun (and he joined in when he could :-) ).
It was mostly just nice having sister talks into the wee hours of the night. Growing up we shared a room for many years and would stay up late talking and playing games (just as a side-note, playing "I Spy" in the dark tends to lead to controversy). Even when she got her own room I would sneak upstairs late at night and we would just talk and talk. Anyway, it was just good to get to talk like that again with my big sister. I was sad when they had to leave.

But...Then Even More Visitors Came
My old roommate Staci (who, just to let you know was my first Boston visitor back in October) and some other friends from my old ward back in P-town flew in the day after H&A left, and they spent a week and a half taking Karl on outings throughout New England. Even though I had to work I got to join them for some of the fun.

We went whale watchingand took a day trip to Ogunquit, Maine. (This is our "model" pose). Honestly though, this is one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen, and one of the coolest beaches ever. Dan and I have already decided that we need to go back with swimsuits and inner tubes because right at this spot a river runs into the ocean and so you can ride the current of the river right into the waves...so much fun!

Independence DayCan you imagine a better place to be for the 4th of July than Boston? We had a huge group of people who all met up and we got the greatest spot right in the middle of the river (well, in the middle of a bridge that crosses the river). After listening to the Boston Pops concert and watching the sunset over the Charles River, we got to watch the fireworks display, which is set to music and is incredible. I can honestly say that it was quite an emotional experience watching the fireworks explode over the river that early patriots rowed across to warn their fellows of the British advance, the river that scared families in Boston gazed across as Charlestown burned during the battle of Bunker Hill where their husbands, fathers, and brothers were fighting to the death. Then, of course, my mind went to those men and women who are fighting overseas right now out of loyalty to the nation that those early Bostonians and other early Americans fought for so dearly. Whew! Pretty intense stuff! All in all, it was an irreplaceable experience.
Go Sox!
No summer can truly be complete without a home game at Fenway. Just yesterday I went with my friends to see the Sox play. It was their final Boston hurrah since they had to leave this morning. And oh man! It was a great game! We were dragging behind almost from the get-go, but then the eighth inning came and we completely rocked it! We were trailing by 3 going into the inning, but a couple of good base hits, and a homer by Manny caught us right up then Youkillis helped us pull ahead. Papelbon pitched the ninth and despite some scares and a broken bat, kept the Twins from scoring. Wow! What great times! (Oh, and by the way...how weird is it that I am a total baseball fan now? Strange.)

The most exciting part is that my summer has barely begun. Just seven more days of work then I am beach bound!

Gargantuan Oozing Prostates

Yeah, let your imagination run wild and it still won't remotely approach how disgusting these are. And, I had to spend my whole day with them...and their smell. Bleh!

The group of mice that I sacrificed today had golf-ball sized prostate tumors, and yes, I do realize that I was the one who gave them cancer, but typically the mice get really sick when the tumors get to only a fraction of the size these were.

Hopefully as we figure out why this happened we will come across a major discovery, which would make me very happy. But as for now...I have no appetite, mostly because the smell of prostate tumor ooze is still in my nose.

(Just be grateful I didn't post the pictures.)

Miracles Happen!

After a frantic two-week cram session, a major freak-out moment in the bathroom of the testing center during the break after I ran out of time on the physical sciences section and had to click random answers for the last 15ish questions, and a month of having my stomach in knots and neurotically checking the website even when I knew scores weren't posted yet...

It's official! MCAT scores are finally in, and despite Kaplan's oh-so-ardent assertion to the contrary, it really is possible to successfully cram for the MCAT!

Although I don't deserve my score by any possible stretch of the imagination (I attribute it all to divine intervention...seriously, there is no other logical explanation), I am super happy/relieved to know that my application was not permanently damaged by my irresponsible study methods and that now the chances that I will actually get into medical school and get to become a doctor have gone from "probably" to "most-likely."

Whew! What a HUGE relief! Now I'm just trying to finalize my application and figure out what schools to apply to. So if you have any opinions, I'm open to suggestions.