Politically Frustrated

I am all sorts of jumbled up inside, and it's late so I'm probably not going to be able to clearly articulate all of the reasons for my jumbledness, but I have to let out some of my frustration in whatever way I can or else I might explode. And, at the moment this blog is my outlet...so here we go.

Recently I have spend hours and hours (seriously, A LOT of time) studying all of the issues at stake in this election, and most importantly I have carefully studied both Obama and McCain's plans for actually implementing the changes that need to take place (and really, they both do acknowledge exactly the same problems, although they may diagnose and prescribe change differently). In addition to studying pretty much everything that has been officially published by each campaign, the candidates' speeches, voting records, etc. I have also talked to several people who I feel are much more informed than me and deal with the problems our country faces in more real ways than I do (soldiers, doctors, other healthcare workers, immigrants, etc). Their thoughts and feelings about the issues, candidates, and proposed solutions have been extremely enlightening.

I'd hoped that after spending all of this time asking questions and studying out the issues that my answer about who to vote for would be crystal clear, but alas...I'm still totally conflicted. I have filled pages (a lot of them) with the concerns I have with each candidate and their proposed policies, and still feel like I am no closer to resolving the issues and weighing the pros and cons than I was when I started. I think one of the things that makes it so difficult for me is that you never really know which of the promised policies are going to be implemented, and if they are implemented, what compromises will have had to be made in order to carry them all the way through from being "just talk" to actuality? Also, what if you elect a candidate and everything that you liked about his or her platform never amounts to anything and everything you hated actually does? EEK!

And, is it just their platform that matters since that is the actual substance of their candidacy? Or does it matter that they talk pretty and look pretty too? I definitely know that it is quite embarrassing to have such an inarticulate president, so that makes it seem like it should count for something. Okay, I wanted to keep this totally theoretical and not get into the specific candidates, but it's hard to avoid. I confess, I love Obama's speeches. It's hard not to. They are inspiring, beautiful, and full of ice cream and rainbows. However, when I juxtapose his idealistic rhetoric about America and Americans with his actual proposed policy changes, they don't always match up. So pretty much always I find myself agreeing with his words, but at the same time seriously doubting that the reality of the solutions he is proposing will actually create that ideal America he speaks of.

Anyway, like I said I didn't mean to actually go into the specific candidates because now I feel like I have to say something about my misgivings about McCain, but even the thought of attempting that exhausts me, so it will have to wait for another day.

So, my list of pros, cons, and concerns grows. I hope that the debates will help clear some of them up, but honestly, I don't know how much of this campaign jargon I can believe. I think what scares me the most about this election (and I'm pretty sure it isn't new to this specific one, but I just must be more aware of it than I have been in the past) is that I feel like voters are not informing themselves enough independently from what the candidates are saying. Maybe I just have major trust issues, and maybe you'll think I'm a pessimist, but it seems like we often forget that these people are catering to the ignorant masses and at least to some extent will say anything to be elected. Remember, the whole President of the United States thing is a pretty envied job. Are we actually studying out the issues? Why do the problems we face really exist? (At election time candidates seem to simply blame each other, or someone or something else, which both candidates, true to form, seem to be doing.) What has been attempted in the past to solve these problems? What has worked? What hasn't? What do those who actually deal with them on a daily basis think?

I know I quote this way too often, but as Elder Maxwell says, "it's so easy to be indignant without being intelligent." Candidates work to make us indignant. It's what gets them elected. But it's our job to be intelligent. Let's not be ignorant and let's be aware of who is feeding us the information and ideas we are clinging to at this critical decision-making time. I love the quote engraved on the Boston Public Library: "The commonwealth requires the education of the people as the safeguard of order and liberty." I truly believe that the choice we make as citizens to be intelligent and educated before becoming indignant and acting out of that indignation is just as critical now as it was in revolutionary times to safeguard those very ideals candidates are throwing around left and right. In deciding how to exercise my right to vote it is up to me to become fully educated and know exactly where I stand so I can weight the candidates based on what is truly important to me and not simply on what they are telling me should be important. That's what I'm trying my hardest to do, and what I hope I'll be able to do.

And thus endeth this absurdly lengthy, and disturbingly inarticulate rant.

Gracious! I can't believe how late/early it got! Yikes!

Hitting and Being Hit

So today one of my worst fears as a biker in Boston was realized. I was pulling up to a stop light and all of a sudden the front door of a van pops open right in front of me, slamming full-force into my right arm. I suppose I should be grateful because it could have been a lot worse. I was slowing down for the light anyway, and wasn't entirely knocked off my bike, but regardless it still hurt really, REALLY badly. Seriously.

And sorry, but I'm going to continue my whine fest because to top it all off, I had to get my blood drawn today too. And of course my injured arm is the only one with veins near the surface. Despite that though, it still took two people digging around in my arm with needles for about five minutes before they could even hit one...

Bring on the bruises!

This must just be payback for me running into that pedestrian a few months ago (don't worry, I was on my bike, and in my defense, she stepped out right in front of me without looking to see if anyone was coming). Congratulations universe.

Do you think it's too late?

Really, this is what I wanted to be when I grew up. What happened?

Honestly, nothing in the world is as exhilarating as going top speed on an incredible animal on a cross-country course....man...I've gotta get back on a horse.

I never want to be a....when I grow up

Alright, so I have spent the past few days going mildly insane trying to find a place to live next year. I have never in my life dealt with more sleazy real estate agents, seen more vomit-inducing apartments, been so incredibly indecisive, entirely lost my appetite for days at a time (well, except when I was studying for the MCAT), made so many "I need you to help me calm down" emergency phone calls to my mom, worried so much about whether something would be acceptable to the other people involved and other such things that are both causes and symptoms of temporary insanity.

Anyway, I finally made a decision and even though I'm not going to be saving as much money as I hoped (I shake my fist at you Brookline parking regulations) I think it will be a great place to live, and I really have no clue why I was so worried. Actually, that's not true, I do know why I was so worried: I'm a pretty flexible, easy-going person and am pretty adaptable to whatever situation I find myself in, but this decision wasn't just for me, it was also for three other people and if they aren't happy with my decision it is all my fault, and the thought of making my future roommates unhappy apparently stresses me out. So basically I realized that I probably worry too much about things I really can't control. Wow, just writing about it is making me anxious again, so I'd better stop.

This experience has been quite illuminating in other ways too. Now, in addition to knowing that I never want to be a garbage collector, mathematician, pre-school teacher, exterminator, saleswoman, or one of those phone computer technician people I now know that I never want a job remotely related to real estate. And believe it or not, this is progress. I had a really hard time deciding what I wanted to be when I grow up, and I'm still convinced that I would have been very happy as a flautist, environmentalist, professional equestrian, tap dancer, drug abuse counselor, veterinarian or any of the other professions I have considered and at some point or another pursued. (Of course this doesn't include all of the others I have thought would be fun and still might be fun....who knows!...and now you know why it took me so long to finish school).

So, my question is what did you used to (or still do) want to be when you grow up? Or if you're like me and go about it the opposite way, what do you never want to be when you grow up?

I told her I just wanted a trim...

This is my best "oh well" look...and wow!...I always forget how big my nose is!